so lazy

I have done nothing for the last week but sit and watch televison and sleep. I haven't felt so well any way. AArrgghhhh my gall bladder hurts so bad at the moment. but you know there isnt really anything that i can do about that at the moment. Oh this break from studing has been pretty nice. my brain has been on over load for the last three weeks, oh my brain is so fried. I welcome this great break to just sit and do nothing, before I have to write a couple of papers...oh the papers.


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"Me only have one ambition, y'know. I only have one thing I really like to see happen. I like to see mankind live together - black, white, Chinese, everyone - that's all."

wow I really terrible at this!!

I dont know why I decided to start a blog, but I have tendicies to forget that I have one and leave it alone for long periods of time. I have recently discovered that I have a blog again and have decided that I will now faithfully...hopefully...start blogging on a regular basis. 

 
I just finished with the most AMAZING, thing ever! I just finished a 3 week study aboard in Ireland learning about the troubles. What  a growing experience. I learned so much not only about the troubles, and the effects to the generations now but also learned so much about myself. I never thought that I would be affected in the way that I was. First off there was just so much information...I read over 7 books the month before we left and 3 the three weeks taht we were there, also there was so many presentations and class work. It was pretty over whelming. Then there was the emotional side. Hearing all the personal stories of the things that happened to people. Not only reading it but hearing it from the people was just so touching and heart breaking there were times that I just wanted to break down and cry and just wrap my arms around them and hug away all of the hurt and pain. Then the spritual side. The whole trip gave me the time to think about alot of things.  some of it where things that I thought that I had already dealt with or even forgot that I had issue wih. A lot was from when my mother got sick, but one of the major things that I reliezed was that I dont really know who I am. I've never really had the space or thought through the time to find out who I am and what I really want out of life. It really surprized me that just a day of thinking brought so much hurt and pain and questions that I have with myself.

So I'm now seriously thinking of moving out by either this time next year or sooner...mostly I need to find the funds to move out which is really holding me back. But I am planning on making some BIG changes in my life. First off I AM going to be more out going and social this semester in school. I am working on getting to 11 stone...1 stone = 7lbs you figure it out...I plan on dying my hair and maybe getting a piercing. Yeah I know what rebellion...I'm lame but this is about all I can think of doing at the moment. I really really really am hoping that I can move out and start to really figure out who Pam is. I'm kinda excited. This could be fun. I WILL also keep this blog more up to date, because other wise what is the point of keepingit.

On major change that I really really need to work on is my Hate toward Cameron and my mixed feelings toward Sean. I have stopped writting Cameron and plan on taking some reflective time to really focus on forgiving him but prolly mostly myself. And Sean I dont know what to do about him. I just...I don't know but I will figure something out.

anywho I will definitely post later
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